My First

So it's been years since I remembered writing is my power. I used to write poems and letters to myself when I was younger. Who would have thought I return to this and actually enjoy doing it again.

For years I tried to analyze what I feel and why and I never thought the answers are this simple. A month ago I decided to finally go to therapy and so far it is the best decision of my life.

I understood things that I thought were mine are not actually mine. That I wanted other people to heal me when in reality I had to help myself. Turned out growing to my 20+ was not enough to actually be an adult. To a 100% adult, I mean.

What I feel today is me being a small vulnerable girl that hides inside with an image of a strong independent woman. I have never been afraid of showing off how vulnerable I am or at least I thought so. I do not feel ashamed for my life, my feelings, or my mental health problems.

By being soft I am getting stronger at some points and I don't look at my softness and seeing my weakness, this is actually my power. My heart is my power. My love is my power. I would never be anyone else and would never want to be anyone else if I had the power to change that.

So far I'm falling in love with myself harder than ever and this is the love that I have been looking for my whole life and it feels so refreshing. Things getting simpler to understand and there are lots of work to go for but I'm excited about what is coming next.

Today I feel stronger, less vulnerable, happier. That may change tomorrow but who cares, I am happy now because I have myself and that will never change...